Monday, June 3, 2013
Fear of Doctors Appointment
We have a doctors appointment in a couple days and as it gets close my anxiety gets higher. Elizabeth is moving and kicking but I am scared of what they may find. I just want to keep being with her and don't want to stop feeling her but there are moments that I go in panic mode because I haven't felt her so I have to stop and wait. I think with all the news we have received at the doctors I am just afraid it will always be bad news. I feel like we are in this waiting game for the other shoe to drop and we just don't know when it will be. It is the hardest thing. I am grateful for the time we have to prepare but at the same time it is hard knowing that she doesn't have a very good chance of living and just waiting for it to happen. I try to focus on the here and now. My other two adorable kids are great and including her in what we are doing already. They ask all the time if Elizabeth likes this or if she is watching them do whatever they are doing. They make sure when I eat to ask if she likes it. My daughter loves to come up to my belly and say Coochy coochy coo and she then says that Elizabeth is laughing. She also will yell surprise at my belly and say she scared her. My son just gives her tons of hugs and kisses each day. He is so tender-hearted to Elizabeth and loves her so much.