Friday, May 31, 2013
So we have been trying to prepare for what is to come. We have started looking into what we would want and the cost of what a funeral may cost us. This has been so hard. No one should have to plan their child's funeral. It has been a very emotional week to try to discuss this and to know what we want for her. I set up an appointment with a funeral home to look at plots and all they have to offer. My mom was so great to call and make the final appointment time and to come with me since it was during the day and I didn't want my husband to miss work (I want to have plenty of time off for everything else we have coming up). I was very emotional driving there thinking how I can I be going to a place to look at funeral options for my child who is still alive and kicking inside me. It brought up a lot of emotions and thoughts driving there. So when we arrived the funeral director started talking to us and I immediately started crying because I was already having a hard time keeping it together. They showed us the caskets they offer and it was so hard to see the tiny little caskets and to think of all those who have done this before me. He then showed us outside to the areas available for plots. The outside wasn't as hard to look at but it is still all so overwhelming to make these decisions. I want my child to live so it is very conflicting to do these preparations but I want to be prepared so we get what we want and she deserves rather than be in so much grief we just make quick decisions. It is a lot to see the price of everything too, but I have to look at it as this is what I can give her and I don't get to spend any other money on her so we can just do it (thanks to my mom for talking to me a couple nights before when I was having a mini breakdown about everything).