Monday, April 22, 2013

Days following specialist visit

The next several days were a blur and difficult to get through.  When people asked how are you doing... part of me wanted to say horrible and explain why but of course as a society we normally just smile and say fine and that is what I did.  I wasn't ready to discuss with others outside my family what was really going on inside.  it was hard enough to discuss with them.  I think my husband and I really only shared with each other what we were truly thinking and feeling.  I think we thought of every possibly situation if she had trisomy 18 and what steps we would need to do and how we would need to prepare.  We tried to be optimistic but when we discussed it together it just felt that we needed to just pray to accept whatever the Lord had in store for us. That week was the longest week of my life.  I didn't sleep and my mind did not stop.  We had so many things going on and time moved so slow.  I only got out of bed because I had two children who still need a functional mom and I still had work to do so we could pay our bills.  Although part of me wanted to curl up and just cry and not come up I knew that wasn't the answer and I needed to show my faith and strength to my daughter and Heavenly Father that I could do whatever they may need from me.

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