Friday, May 3, 2013

Specialist Visit 2

We went to the specialist for a follow-up from the blood test results and the echo.  The nurse called us back and said that we were doing an ultrasound, which I didn't know we were doing just thought they wanted to talk with us.  So she starts the ultrasound. (I love seeing my daughter on the screen but I also am sick of ultrasounds and finding out one more thing so I was torn.)  She then finishes and says the doctor will be in and says it is a new Dr.  ( I was a little frustrated that they didn't tell us that it was a different doctor when we made the appointment.  I thought I would be seeing the same doctor. I wish they would tell us more I feel like I am being led blindly because I don't know the right questions to ask and they don't tell me anything either.)  So he starts doing his thing and is showing us some things.  He notices that one her toes kind of points out, which the beginning of me not liking him.  The way he said it I felt was not very tactful.  Also, I don't want to hear that my beautiful daughter might not be "normal" compared to others.  She is my daughter still and I love her, so when I feel like someone is not speaking nicely I still get protective.  After he does his part on the ultrasound he sits us down to talk and answer questions.  So we ask a few questions and he explains a few things.  The more he talks with us the less I am liking him.  I don't think I am old but after this I feel like I am old.  Every doctor ask how old I am and states that the older you get the more likely things like this happen because your eggs are old.  Lets understand 29 is not old but right now I feel ancient and that I did something wrong because it was my egg that technically had the problem when it formed with the sperm. We ask about pre-term labor and if we need to change any activity.  He says no but begins talking about c-section how they wouldn't want to do one... I am thinking ok neither do I so why are we talking about this.  He also stated that we wouldn't put me on bed rest because with Trisomy 18 there is not much quality of life so the reason for bed rest normally is to help the baby out but there is no need with Trisomy 18.  This made me upset because although I understand that her life is going to be short, she is still a person who respects some kindness.  This doctor was driving me crazy and I felt he should be more sensitive to these situations since he is a high risk specialist.  Understand I haven't gotten offended or took offense to others comment up til now but for some reason today he was off the charts of offending me.  He also was trying to push an amniocentesis that we felt was not needed at this point and just another risk. Trisomy 18 you can produce a little more fluid than normal, which led him to say that I will be abnormally large. ( yes that right he told me I would be abnormally large just what every pregnant women wants to hear.) I also just felt that they wanted me to keep coming so they could charge me an arm and a leg for the visit when really I think my regular doctor can follow me at this point.  I want to do every thing we can to get her here safely and be able to hold her but the specialist is not going to do anything different to make that happen anymore than my doctor.  In the end today was not a good day.  I had a break down as soon as we got home and felt so frustrated and upset.  I think I just need a break from the doctors appointments.  I can't wait for our vacation a week can't come soon enough.  All in all I just want to try to enjoy this pregnancy and the time I get with my angel and I don't need a doctor talking untactful to me.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry Amber. This visit sounds awful and you are right, if you don't like that doctor, you don't have to go back. Your regular doctor can help you find someone else if need be. Sarah and Abbie pray for you and your baby every night. I didn't know you had named her. I will let the girls know so they can pray for her by name. Sarah will be excited as Elizabeth is her middle name. I think you and Jake picked a beautiful name. To me, it is a name of beauty, courage and strength which I already know your little one has. We love you.