Wednesday, July 31, 2013

37 weeks

WOW-  I can't believe I am three weeks away from my delivery day, it is very surreal to think about.  Four months ago when we received the diagnosis seems like a lifetime ago but now it is here.  I am so grateful that I have been able to spend the last four months loving Elizabeth and getting to feel her (even if it has been extremely painful lately).  She has brought so many blessings already into our lives... she has given me the opportunity to reflect upon the important things in life.  I still have my wants that our materialistic but this experience has definitely made me look more at my blessings.  I have a wonderful husband who loves me with all his heart and wants to make me and his family happy. He is my best friend who I can rely on.  I am grateful for my two other children who make me laugh, smile, and sometimes even drive me crazy.  I am so grateful for my family and friends who love us so much.  The prayers and thoughts that have been said on our behalf and Elizabeth's.  We don't know what we would do without your support.  There isn't much people can do for us but we are grateful for the thoughts and love that are sent our way.

As we continue to prepare it has been difficult because it isn't the same preparation we have done in the past for our other children.  It kind of hit me the other day that we have no diapers, no formula, no nursery prepared, and no clothes that I have washed and prepared.  We instead have prepared emotionally by reading uplifting talks, listening to music, funeral planning, creating special items that we want to make sure she has.  It was hard to think of this because although everything about Trisomy 18 says that Elizabeth's survival rate is very rare, It made me feel that I haven't even let myself hope for more.  I think this is because when I think of everything she would need to overcome I cry for her and the difficult trials she would need to face.  As her mother I don't want her to suffer and so with that we have felt that preparing all these other items would be more for us and we don't want to make her suffer just so we can hold her longer.  As I write that sentence it tears at my heart because I do want to hold her, I want to change her diapers, I want to feed her, and stay up all night with her but not at her expense.  I love Elizabeth with all my heart already and so does her whole family.  We want whatever Heavenly Father has planned for her and all else we know with our faith it will fall into place.

 Pictures at 37 weeks above and 36 below

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