Today we received Elizabeth's death certificate... I knew they were coming because they had called before sending them. So when the mailman stopped by my house to sign for them I knew what it was. Even though I knew what they were I still didn't want to open the envelope or acknowledge what was inside. Why? Well, although it is very apparent in my life that my sweet baby isn't with me I still feel that I wanted to get her birth certificate before receiving her death certificate. I guess they are quicker at getting death certificates then birth certificates. I wanted her life acknowledged before her death was.
As the days have gone on and we have started to get back to a routine it has been hard. Although, I know that I need to get back to "real" life and the world does keep moving forward. Part of me doesn't want to and another part wants to create "normalcy" for my other children. It has been a hard balance between these two things. I went out to run errands for the first time the other day and it was tough to be out and doing "normal" things. I got home and just wanted to crawl back into my safe zone where I don't have to be "normal".