Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Elizabeth Day 3

At about 2 am I had this overwhelming feeling that Elizabeth's time here on earth was ending soon, and it was the hardest thing to feel.  I started to cry and the nurse came in and checked her vitals and said that she was struggling to breath more. Jake woke up from his short nap and I filled him in on what I was feeling even though I think he knew too.  After the nurse left we decided to play dress up with our princess.  Jake got all her stuffed animals and placed them by her. We also got her outfits that had been given to her that were WAY too big and placed them next to her also.  We then did a outfit change and the nurses brought us the cutest little crotchet booties that actually weren't huge on her.

After dress up we just held her close and were filled with peace but also sorrow.  Morning (or morning for "normal" people) came and we called our parents and siblings and let them know that we felt that Elizabeth's time was coming and if they wanted to come up and say a goodbye they could.  My grandma so Elizabeth's great grandma was the first visitor of the morning and came and was able to meet her and hold her.  My parents showed up with the kids shortly later and we were able to get a four generation picture with Elizabeth.  It was a very sorrow filled day but also we were so blessed to have the knowledge of Eternity with her.  Most the pictures taken this day our tear filled but I love them because it shows the emotion we had with her.

Elizabeth was weaker today and we could tell that it was a struggle for her to breath.  It broke my heart to even know that she was in pain even though I don't know for sure if she was, but the little whimpers and breathes seemed to be taking a lot out of her.  You could feel her strong desire to be with her family and just feel of our love.  Our parents and our kids were able to come and say there goodbyes to sweet Elizabeth.  Addison was able to sing some of her made up songs to Elizabeth.  We have these on video tape and it is my favorite thing ever.  It is hard to watch the videos sometimes because her older siblings loved her so much and it breaks my heart that we didn't get to bring Elizabeth home for them to help care for her, but I know it wasn't meant to be.

We did some photo shoots again with Elizabeth and dressed her in the blessing gown to take some of her looking like an angel.  After the photo shoot all our visitors left at about 2pm and we had the rest the day just with her.  We just held her and were so in the moment of enjoying every little sound and movement she made.  I snuggled her close and I had to remember to let her daddy have some time snuggling too, it was hard to share her though.

At 4pm Elizabeth started having some more apnea attacks (this is where she would stop breathing for some time) and it was the scariest thing.  So as Jake and I talked we decided at 5pm to request some morphine for our sweet daughter and we were going to take the oxygen away after the morphine.  This was the hardest decision to make but to watch her stop breathing and struggle to regain her breath each time was even harder.  They also started to hear her heart murmur today and her heart beat was irregular, so everything was leading us to this decision.  While we were waiting for the morphine we gave Elizabeth her first haircut.  The nurses were so sweet and even let us keep the scissors we used to cut her hair.  After we cut her hair we started to take the tape of her little face and clean it up a little bit.  Jake also gave her a blessing.  It was very sweet and hard. The morphine came at 7pm.  I was holding Elizabeth when the nurse brought it in and asked me if I was ready.  With tears streaming down my face I said I would never be ready. The sweet nurse also had tears streaming down her face said she wasn't either, but we both nodded and she went ahead and gave Elizabeth the morphine. Morphine was used to help let Elizabeth relax.  We removed her feeding tube after the morphine was administered. It took effect in about 15 minutes and at about 7:20pm we removed the oxygen.

Elizabeth was the most peaceful we had seen her.  She never really cried the whole time but she was constantly making little noises and you could hear her breathing but after the oxygen was removed she just was peaceful.  We didn't want to move her much because she looked so peaceful.  So Jake and I both curled up around her on the bed and just laid with her. Her strong spirit was so apparent during this time. She was our rock.
 Our tiny angel the one on the left is 0-3 mo the one on the right is newborn and both are huge.

 Four generations
My mom's granddaughters all together

 Her cute booties up above. 
Our angel.  Isn't she so cute!
 First Haircut

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